A Survival Story- an intro to

‘All the time in the world to get it done.’The account of my previous thoughts drifted through my mind. All the time in the world- and now none. Just the measly 3 and a half minutes till judgement, the time that would decide my ability as a man. The unfairness of the situation, a mere teenager, fourteen and one month, and twenty four days of age. No this could not be true- surely there was a rule against this, child cruelty- anything that could get the poor soul that was me out of this. Yet no. Nothing sprung to mind, nothing in anyway useful. Wait, now only 2 minutes. Think brain think!

I am back three hours sitting in a pastel blue painted room- messy at first sight, but in my mind an organised room. An organised room of junk overflowing like beans spilling out of a bag. A little sleep would do, I thought, not knowing the trap that I was blindly falling into; the endless abyss of… nothing. The clouds floating around cushioned the fall taking my weight and lowering me gently to the ground of my imagination that was now the real world. The vain attempts to push up through the layers of drowsiness collapsed, buildings springing up out of the ground alongside the golden hills that turned into mountains that bordered the land. Things passed, grew and evolved from scene to scene in front of my very eyes- shapes morphing from tree to cave to cloud. Then the feeling of continuously falling jolted my body and after the small spasm sat up. And there I was with only a few minutes to go.

The only decision- to face the wrath of Mr North. Whether or not I would be able to get my way out of him finding out that I had not done the final assesment was a near guaranteed zero. The next minutes rushed by as I sprinted out of the house and towards my school, a greyhound set loose on the general public, racing towards my destination. First period and already I was feeling the tension as I entered the room, others’ faces a reflection of my own anxiety and nervousness…


One Response to “A Survival Story- an intro to”

  • jnorth Says:

    Hello,

    I think you have really hit your stride in the second paragraph. The figurative language and vocabulary flow well. Your voice is distinctive here and this continues into your third paragraph (though I may worry about your subject matter).

    Consider:
    There are still some really very good ideas in your opening paragraph, but the flow and voice are not as engaging. I would edit this paragraph by looking at vocabulary and then exploring your sentence structures.
    How would the piece change if you simply started from your second paragraph? Would this affect the tone and meaning?

    Thanks,

    Mr North

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